Fluff-Butt's Hunt
by Dysthymia
Summary: Dean takes his poodle on a hunt, much to Sam's chagrin.


Sam looked at Dean. "Are you giving that dog coffee?"

"What? It won't hurt him. Right, Fluff-Butt?"

The dog panted happily and slurped up some coffee.

"Dude, Dean, you're getting the dog high on Odessa's marijuana coffee. Stop it."

"Hey, he likes it. Look at him!"

Sam rolled his eyes. "Whatever, Dean. Can we focus on the case now?"

"I don't know. Lets' ask Fluff-Butt. What do you think, Fluff-Butt?"

The dog gave one single bark.

Dean shrugged. "I guess it's ok with the dog."

Sam shifted in his seat. "Ok, so-"

"Hold on, I think the dog needs to take a piss."

"And you're just going to sit there?"

"Hey, I took him out last time," Dean protested. "Go let my dog out so he can take a friggin' piss."

Sam sighed and let the dog out of the car. He came back a few minutes later. "Dean, that dog's a girl."

"What? No he isn't!"

"Then why did the dog pee like a girl?"

"Because… sometimes boys just do that."

Sam shook his head.

* * *

"So, your dog is what?" Dean asked, not sure he was hearing right.

"My dog is afraid of the new neighbor and her cats," the woman said. "Bruno's never been afraid of anyone or anything before."

Dean gave Sam a "where the hell did you find this one look."

"Dogs are just showing up dead at random," Sam hissed at him. "I told you about how ever since the Henderson's new neighbor mover in, dogs have been dropping dead like crazy."

"I think it's that crazy cat lady," Mrs. Henderson said. "She said dogs are evil and she'd eradicate each and every single one if it were up to her."

* * *

Fluff-Butt hid as low as she could inside the Impala. _Don't let the witch-bitch see me!_

Castile looked back at the dog. "She's gone," he said.

 _Good. Let me out. I need to pee._

"What?"

 _I need to urinate!_

"Of course," Castiel said. He lifted a finger and the Impala's back door opened.

 _Thanks Angle-Boy. Oh, hey, there's a boy dog over there!_ Fluff-Butt took off in the direction of the Henderson's house.

"But you said you needed to urinate" Castiel said.

 _Do you believe everything you're told?_

* * *

Castile looked down at the ground.

Dean frowned. "Cas, where's my dog?"

"She… said she needed to urinate," the angel answered.

"Oh, great. The dog needed to take a piss…" Dean grumbled.

"And then she saw a male dog and decided she should… frolic."

Sam was grinning. Dean hadn't figured out yet that Castiel was saying "she." "So, Cas, is this male dog the bloodhound screwing the poodle over there?"

Dean turned to look. "Hey! Get off my dog you picce of crap! Cant you tell he's a boy?!"

Sam grinned even wider.

"Sam, is it appropriate to let Dean think his dog is a male?" Castiel asked.

"Shh… this is the funniest thing ever."

 _You're not my dad,_ Fluff-Butt barked at Dean.

The other dog barked in agreement.

 _Also, I'm a GIRL, genius!_

Dean frowned at his dog. It was like the dog was talking to him. "Don't take that tone with me, mister!"

"Dean, your dog is a female," Castiel said.

Sam glared. "Cas, I told you to keep quiet!"

"Shit," Dean grumbled. "My dog's a… slut-butt."

 _Asshole._ Fluff-Butt walked away from Dean indignantly.

"That dog is going right back to Brynn's," Dean shouted. He went to the Impala and opened the back door. "Get in the car, you slut!"

 _You're the slut. I'm just a dog. A very pretty dog._

Dean grabbed the dog and stuffed her into the back seat. "Why didn't you tell me the dog was a girl?" he demanded of Sam.

"I did. But then I decided to stop telling you that," Sam answered.

"Bitch," Dean growled.

"Jerk," Sam said.

 _Whores. Let's go kill a with-bitch, you stupid spoiled whores._ Fluff-Butt barked.

"Let's go kill a witch-bitch," Dean said. He frowned. Where the hell had he gotten that from?

* * *

Sam stood outside the gas station, waiting for Dean to come out. First, some of the neighborhood dogs needed to go, then Dean needed to go.

Dean came out. He held up a box of Milk-Bones. "Free Milk-Bones for the witch-bitch hunters!"

All of the dogs started to bark and ran to the witch's house.

"You're enjoying this too much," Sam told Dean.

"Hey, how many people get to use dogs to chase a witch up a tree?" Dean countered.

Sure enough, the dogs chased the witch into a tree.

Fluff-Butt barked triumphantly. _We got anti-witch bags, you witch-bitch whore-bag._

"Your dog has a foul mouth," Castiel said.

"Hey, I'm not washing her mouth out with soap. I'll train her to use the toilet."

Sam rolled his eyes and shot the witch. "We'll have to thank Rufus for the bags," Sam said.

Dean ignored Sam. He was too busy passing out Milk-bones.

End


End file.
